Friday, June 10, 2011

Emails I Receive #1 - Truth For Mature Humans

Truths For Mature Humans

  1. I think part of a friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
  2. Nothing sucks more than that moment in an argument when you realize you're wrong.
  3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
  4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
  5. How in the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  6. Was learning sursive really necessary?
  7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.  I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
  9. Bad decisions make good stories.
  10. You never know when it will strike, but there come a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
  11. Can we just agree to ignore anything that come after blue ray.  I don't want to have to start my collection over...again.
  12. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will not wash this...ever.
  13. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello, Hello **** it!), but when I call back it rings nine time and goes to voicemail.  What did you do after I didn't answer?  Drop the phone and run away?
  14. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day.  What a waste.
  15. I keep some people's numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
  17. I would rather try to carry 10 overloaded plastic bags on each arm, then make two trips to bring in my groceries.
  18. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I am trying to finish a text.
  19. How many time is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they are saying?
  20. I love the sense of comraderie when a whole line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in the front.  Stay strong brothers and sisters!
  21. There is no worse feeling than the millisecond when you are sure you are going to die from leaning too far back in your chair.
  22. Sometimes I look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  23. Even under ideal condition, people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and pinning the tail on the donkey - but I bet my *** everyone can find the snooze button from 3 feet away, in 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

No comments:

Post a Comment